Monday, April 19, 2010

A Mixed Day

Well the day has turned out alright. It was helped tremendously by the fact that I got many positive complements about my new haircut, which is super short for me! My hair is thick, curly, red/brown with blonde highlights....naturally! That and my long eyelashes are my two redeeming qualities when it comes to beauty. Otherwise I look a bit like Gimli from Lord of the Rings. So it was really wonderful to hear those nice comments, and feel like I belonged amongst all the other girls for once. :)

My workout went well. I worked really hard, and as usual sweated like crazy. I love showering after a hard work out. It's so rejuvenating to feel all the salty sweat being washed away! I'm still feeling down physically about the entire weight loss thing though. I am great at exercising every day, but unless I make myself a hermit, like I was in undergrad, I have a hard time controlling what I eat. There is always someone baking or having a party or celebrating with wine, and then all self control is lost. For a long time I didn't drink because I was afraid my parents would assume I was becoming an alcoholic and worry about me. However, not drinking made me feel really left out at social events, so much so that I would either not go at all or would end up crying in the bathroom. Considering that, I probably have some sort of social anxiety thing going on....but I think I'll just try and work through it myself.

I've also been feeling down about me and my boyfriend lately. He really is the bets man in the world, but I feel like we deal with life very differently. Truthfully he does things better than I do. He thinks about things but then focuses on the here and now, what is most important. I however, focus on the future and what things could possibly go wrong with my life. I worry about fitting in to my wedding dress...and I am not even engaged! I worry about going into renal failure form my Diabetes, not getting a job, or ending up alone, but most of all I worry that everything I want is impossible.

So that is what has happened today. Now it is on to studying for my Medicine exam tomorrow. Hopefully I can buckle down and do well!

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