Thursday, April 22, 2010


I am so hungry! I don't know why it is that there are days when I just feel starved. I'll eat nice, healthy meals and then just go crazy with hunger. I usually get a good amount of protein, fat and I don't know what the deal is. It's not like I am on a low carb eating plan either. I guess I will just try to stay healthy, eat things that are good for me, instead of sweetened things. I'm trying to not think about losing weight, instead I am trying to be healthy, but that is a hard habit for me to break. I've been trying to lose weight since the 5th do you break an addiction of 15 years duration? I guess one day at a time.

Anyways tomorrow I want to start fresh. I feel like I have been in a preparation period since January. I have been working hard on getting into the work out groove, my eating has improved vastly, now I just need to get my blood sugar under control and work on self confidence. Part of the self confidence thing should come as I lose weight. I know that isn't right, but I really feel that way. I guess I need to love myself as I am, but it's so hard when I feel inferior to others because of my weight. Hopefully I can find some worth in myself aside from my physical experience or grades in school. Uggh.

So tonight it will be study, exercise, study. Clin Path is kicking my butt. I really had hope at the beginning of the semester that it would be fun and interesting. While I'm sure it is for some people, it certainly isn't for me. I think the main problem is it is our last class of the day. By the time I get to it I am worn out, and it takes a lot of brain power for me to understand what is going on. So most of the time I listen and go through slides but don't absorb a thing. Sigh. Even studying at home seems pointless.

Well I better stop whining and get to work. Systemic path and medicine won't wait, and the sooner I am done the sooner I can work out and move on to clin path! At least I have Twitch and the cats to keep me company, animals are always comforting to have around.

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