Monday, April 19, 2010

Is Failure an Option?

Last night was not good, and the day started out really well too! I studied, exercised, and did my laundry, then things went down hill. I hate studying and feeling like I am not absorbing anything! Yet all night I kept going through notes and feeling like I was trying to write on a craggy rock wall with a ball point pen. Then I got tired and went to bed, but I kept hearing strange noises and when I did finally get to sleep I woke up to a low blood sugar at 1:30. After that I woke again at 3:00 and prayed that it was 5:00 and time to get up, but no such luck. I ended up tossing and turning until the alarm went off.

Of course now my blood sugar is high! I was really hoping I ate the right amount last night, apparently not. I am also out of insulin after that high which means I will probably be freaking out about my blood sugar during class until I can go get insulin at the pharmacy, which doesn't open until 10:00 am!!! Raawwrrr!

So right now my day seems doomed. Sadly I am a very all or nothing person. It's hard for me to start out on the wrong foot and get back to the right one. However, I really do need to learn to adjust and plan. I can be flexible with other people, so why not with myself? Really most of the stress in my life comes from my own expectations, what I think I should be doing so that I am on equal ground with other people that I admire. I feel like I spend so much time trying to be someone else I lose sight of who I am, and what's important to me. I'll never be as smart, pretty, or cool as my friends so I need to stop trying and just try to figure out who I am, and why. Maybe if I concentrate on me, and not everyone else I will be less stressed with life in general, then I will be happier and healthier.

So my goal for today is to turn things around. Study well, Exercise hard and keep my cool!

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