Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Two More Finals to go....and Motivation is gone

No ability to study left...seriously. Every time I try my brain fails to absorb. I go through things and then I can't remember....bleurggg. I'm pretty sure my brain is undergoing liquefactive necrosis....leak, leak, leak.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly Truth.

Two finals left!!! Two Finals left!!! How are finals going? Actually quite bad! I just can't do well without a few days to study, more than 2 anyways, so all my finals grades, with the exception of the first have been really terrible. I am trying very hard to learn the information. I just can't learn it as fast as is required to do well. So I got a 90% on Lab animal, which left me with a B in the class. I did horribly on the Medicine Final, a 65%, which brought my grade from a high C to a 71%. Yikes!!! The Next grade to come out will probably be Virology, the exam we took today. It is a Scantron test so most likely they will run it through this afternoon and hopefully post the grades by Thursday at the latest. Clin Path I have no idea when that will come out. I only hope I did well enough to pass. I needed 12 points on the final, but I am still worried about it. :(
It's all down hill from here though. Systemic Pathology on Thursday and Radiology on Friday and then into the air, and off to Africa. Summer will be filled with travel and excitement! I just have to pass all of my classes. I can spend the summer reinforcing the things I didn't quite get and be ready to start fresh third year.
Speaking of starting fresh, as usual my weight loss goals have been derailed. Finals is a horrible time and I must admit I have not been exercising or eating well. I am pretty sure I have regained weight, and I am very disappointed. However, now is the time to start FRESH!!! Summer is coming so I can make good choices and be active, as well as get lots of exercise when I am not in a plane, train or automobile. I plan to start running the couch to 5 k plan. If we can jog in the morning in Africa that will be great, but I alos expect to be getting a good amount off exercise in, and since food will be controlled by someone other than me I won't have the option to snack. I can dowell enough not over eating at meals. It's the in between times that are hard! So three weeks in africa, I am hoping to lose 5 lbs. Then It will be to Chicago with my Dad and Stepmom for a week of museums, Zoos, parks, and fun. Then Home for a week of Zoos, parks, and fun, then a week to do my externship, then a week in New Mexico for a wedding, then Reno to visit Max's family, then either back to Kansas or back home!!! Whew!!! What a wild summer it will be! Then at the end we will be doing Warrior Dash, and staring our third year of vet school!!!
Anyway, the main issue is, next Spring Break we will be going someplace, all of us, together. In all likelihood someplace warm. This means swimsuits and beaches, etc. That means besides health, I have extra motivation to get into shape and get my blood sugar back under good control. I have 10 months to lose 50 lbs. and I am going to do my best to achieve that healthfully, while building muscle and instituting healthy habits.
Step one: Stop eating unhealthy carb filled snacks, and start replacing with veggies, fruit and water. Also add some sort of activity to each day, even if it is just a pleasant walk! Here we go!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010 hate yourself

Vet school is horrible for your self esteem. Every time you get a handle on something you lose whatever you had on anything else. If you get ahead in one class all the others fall behind. For me this leads to panic and poor performance when it comes to finals week. While everyone else is excited and studying hard with feelings of accomplishment, I am usually crying in my room because no matter how much I study it is nearly impossible for me to get good grades.
Honestly, if I had known what vet school was really like, I probably would not have pursued it. I know I could have probably become an author, chef , or teacher and been much happier and healthier. I'm pretty sure if I was doing any of those things my stress level would be much lower and I would probably live a lot longer. As it is I am pretty sure I will die when I am 40 from a stress induced heart attack, if I don't kill myself first, which veterinarians are apt to do.
As one of my friends said, you can always quit when you get out if it doesn't work. I have a feeling that I will probably be quitting very soon after I get out. It's not that I don't want to be a vet, I would love it. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I don't learn anything in classes, and even when I pass tests it doesn't mean I learn the material, it means I can answer test questions. Then by the end of the semester I have forgotten everything again. I have a feeling when I get out all I will do is get in trouble and be fired. Hopefully I can quit before I get sued.
Maybe I will find someplace I can quietly escape and never be seen or heard from again. Someplace either big and noisy, or quiet and sleepy. I do best with extremes. Mediocrity stresses me out.No wonder I don't like myself.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

One Down 5 to Go

Lab Animal Medicine is done. Sadly it was the easiest class, so everything is up hill from here. So tired...must get to bed and wake up at 5 so I can go through the 6 respiratory lectures for medicine before class starts. No time to jog today, and I really could have used it. Goodnight.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sleep Works

Yesterday wasn't a very good day. I got nothing accomplished, and by nothing I mean I only got through 4 lectures and our Clin Path Quiz. My room is not clean and have not gotten any of the cards sent out for mothers day, let alone exercised, or gotten through all the lectures like I wanted to. The best part of yesterday was the fact I went to be at 11:00. I was so tired, I probably should have gone to bed earlier, but I wanted to stay up and do something fun. Alas, it never occurred, until I went to bed anyways. At 12:00 I awoke to everyone having fun in the living room, but by that time I was far too sleepy to feel bad about not being a part of it.

This morning I am finally ready to study and get things accomplished! Hopefully I can go for a walk later, or maybe try to jog a bit, but first I have to get through some lectures, start my laundry, and clean my room. Eeep!!!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Wineing and Whining

Last night we took a break and had some wine, and watched TV. Christine made a coconut cream pie, which turned out fabulous, and I made cupcakes. I drank about 2 1/2 glasses of wine, which isn't that much, but it certainly made it hard to get up this morning. I really like wine, but I hate the fact that I always feel i've drunk too much. When if I have 1 glass I feel guilty about it. Part of that is probably because my family worries that I will become a drunk, the other part because every health web site says you shouldn't drink often. I used to not drink at all. All through college I never drank anything, then when I got to vet school I started to realize if I didn't drink I was never going to fit in, or be able to socialize very well. It really is a nice feeling to be uninhibited to some degree. When I drink it usually isn't enough to get more than tipsy, but that is just enough to make me feel better about myself. Sad but true.

In other news clin path went poorly. I ended up with a 65%, which makes my overall grade a 76% in the class. I really hate that class so much! For the life of me I cannot learn a thing well. I love our teacher, i'm interested in the material, I just can't learn anything from the notes. It's one of the biggest disconnects I've ever had. I have to start studying for the final today. I also have to pound medicine in pretty well, clean my room, and workout. Lots to do, and yet I still want Max to stay and hang out. Sigh. 2 weeks of school left.

P.S. Picture is not mine.