Friday, May 7, 2010 hate yourself

Vet school is horrible for your self esteem. Every time you get a handle on something you lose whatever you had on anything else. If you get ahead in one class all the others fall behind. For me this leads to panic and poor performance when it comes to finals week. While everyone else is excited and studying hard with feelings of accomplishment, I am usually crying in my room because no matter how much I study it is nearly impossible for me to get good grades.
Honestly, if I had known what vet school was really like, I probably would not have pursued it. I know I could have probably become an author, chef , or teacher and been much happier and healthier. I'm pretty sure if I was doing any of those things my stress level would be much lower and I would probably live a lot longer. As it is I am pretty sure I will die when I am 40 from a stress induced heart attack, if I don't kill myself first, which veterinarians are apt to do.
As one of my friends said, you can always quit when you get out if it doesn't work. I have a feeling that I will probably be quitting very soon after I get out. It's not that I don't want to be a vet, I would love it. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I don't learn anything in classes, and even when I pass tests it doesn't mean I learn the material, it means I can answer test questions. Then by the end of the semester I have forgotten everything again. I have a feeling when I get out all I will do is get in trouble and be fired. Hopefully I can quit before I get sued.
Maybe I will find someplace I can quietly escape and never be seen or heard from again. Someplace either big and noisy, or quiet and sleepy. I do best with extremes. Mediocrity stresses me out.No wonder I don't like myself.

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