Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sitting in the Corner Muttering (Well...not really...)

So today we had Grand Rounds, and it sucked. Why? Because if there is any time that you will figure out you don't know anything it is during Grand Rounds. The teacher will present a case and then ask questions, and it makes you feel like a prize idiot. Being crazy and paranoid, I usually assume people who don't answer questions simply do so because they don't like public speaking, or are giving others a chance to answer. I know that can't possibly be true, but it's just the same as grades. My grades are abhorrent, and I feel like I am the only one. So basically school feels like a giant cluster of information, and not only am I failing at it, everyone else is succeeding. Then I feel like I am doing everything wrong with my life.
You always see shows on tv about parents pushing there kids to become doctors and lawyers. High paid and high powered achievers, who at the end of the day go home to a pristine house, park their expensive, green, new model car in the garage next to the boat, and then sip expensive whiskey in front of the roaring fire while reviewing their latest journal article on the ease of curing cancer. Yeah, it's not feasible. Try the person who loses a patient during the day, and then comes home exhausted. Someone who has over $200,000.00 in student loans to pay off, who can't afford to do anything but work and sleep, and who finds every day more hopeless than the last. I feel like that is the reality. Really, why do we push people so hard to achieve? Why can't we all just try to be happy?
The sad reality however, is that I am not even that person who lost a patient. I'm just a student that doesn't know anything, and is worried about the future. I mean, how am I ever going to save an animal, let alone not kill one? The odds don't look good. So now that I have come off depressed, hopeless, and probably very unorganized in my thought processes, I am going to go study. Yay.


  1. Apparently we're in the same sort of mood today. Go see my post.

  2. :( You can't save all of them, you know that right? Sometimes you do everything right in the book and they just die out of the blue. It's going to happen, but you need to not blame yourself for that. You are going to be a good doctor, despite what you may think.

    I am ALWAYS lost during rounds, but I think that it's supposed to be a learning opportunity to remind me that I DON'T know as much as I need to, a sort of kick in the pants to get going.

    We need to start celebrating small victories rather than worrying about the failures. Statistically, you can't win EVERYTHING at life, but you can allow yourself to enjoy your successes. Try to focus on the positive. I've found that sometimes if I tell other people that I'm happy, and I act happy, sometimes I really start to believe it.

    I know it's rough trying to keep your head up in Vet school. I have trouble with it myself. But you can doooooo eeeeeeeet!