Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Favorite Boys: Tas the Sea Cat

Once there was a cat named Tas. Tas lived on a beautiful farm in a lovely town in Illinois. There he had everything he desired: Many friends, a loving family, delicious cat food, and all the water he could drink. One day, while Tas was sleeping at home, he had a magical dream. In his dream Tas was a mighty sea captain. Him and his band of wild sea cats roamed the seven seas in search of a mighty pirate booty, of the likes which had never been found by any pirates before (We're talking loads of fish heads people. Cat nip, bells, lightsabers, you name it!!!). Yes, the legendary Treasure of Captain Purrrse Strings. Tas awoke from his dream eager to find his pirate crew and set out on his epic journey. Alas, Tas was destined to go to the landlocked state of Kansas. Cursing his fate he made every attempt to get to the sea. He became obsessed with water, sleeping in sinks, plundering bath tubs, and lapping at any water he could find. It is said that if you sleep downstairs in a certain apartment in Kansas, you may hear the lonely yowl of captain Tas in the wee hours of the morning, as he calls to his lost crew. Below we show some pictures of Tas the Sea Cat, along with his story of his captivity.

Call me Tas the Sea cat. For many years ( 3 to be exact) I have suffered in this wretched waste land known as Kansas. Surely I am happy to have my human mistress by my side, and yet, the wild sea calls to me.
Ahemm, but I digress. I shall now tell you my tale. It is a tale of searching for the sea, in every nook and cranny of my prison. This small apartment in which I live must have a secret access point somewhere. And I am sure that with enough searching I will find it. Come, scout the perimeter with me!!!
Is the sea here? Alas, no. I smell the cat known as Danger. Once my first mate, he has grown restless, and is now in constant pursuit of me.

The sea is not up here where three of the human girls sleep (The fourth human creature lives downstairs, she seems to be mostly human, but often meows at me in random sentences. Perhaps she is a human raised by a strange tribe of cats? She is very strange, and possibly dumb. I try not to bite her as she seems ignorant.). Sometimes I sleep in the sinks up here so I can hear the sea through the pipes.

"Hi Tas! Oh boy! Ithink Jenna is giving me tuna today for lunch!!! I can't wait!!! Ohhh!!! Did you see the squirrels today??? They were talking and I heard them say....

Follow me quickly! Danger is extremely talkative today. Come, I will show you my plan to get to the sea. It is bound to work!

Ah, yes. As you can see this box is the perfect size for me. My current plan is to mail myself to the sea shore, where my crew will find me. I plan to enlist the help of Danger. If need be a bribe of tuna may be procured from the refrigerator or pantry.

In a few short weeks perhaps my plan can finally come to fruition. I can only hope, and pray.

Here is the "Sink" I believe this is short for sink hole. The humans probably do not know the proper terminology and mistake this whirl pool maker for a common hole in the ground. A vain hope is that someday when the water is deep enough I may be sucked down and then deposited far out to sea.

What's that you say?

The sink does not lead to the sea, but is in fact merely a plumbing apparatus that ends at the sewage treatment plant?!?!


Moving on! Here is the "Bathroom". I know what you're thinking. It's just another sink. Am I right? Wrong!!!

If you walk over this way, I will show you something quite extraordinary!!! You may scoff at the sinks, but this is something totally different!

Oh yes, the bath tub!!! This magical device, while intimidating, is the closest I have gotten to the sea yet!!! Daily the human girls come here and turn on the water for long periods of time. While I have only observed this phenomena a few times, I am convinced that aside from the mail ploy, this is my next best shot at reaching the sea. Now let me show you my regimen for staying in peak physical condition in preparation for my voyage.

Ahh yes. Nothing like a warm lap, and a nice rest after a hard hour of exploration. Personally I enjoy about 15 minutes of massage followed by a nice 3-5 hour nap. Of course, the humans are not very understanding of this, and often disturb me, but this is easily rectified with a change in location. As a sea I.....


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