Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Down Day

Today is a down day. I have been really hungry the past few days, so this morning I treated myself to a nice big breakfast, but I felt quite guilty afterward. I also feel like a sausage stuck in my clothes, and I am very, very down about school.

This morning Max and I went to the vet school to visit two of our favorite vets. As usual I took a back seat while Max wowed the crowds with his easy manner. I don't know what I do wrong, but for some reason I just can't communicate with veterinarians, it's like I'm speaking a foreign language when they try to talk to me! If they try to talk to me, which they rarely do. Anyways, we were standing there and the vet of course, asked how our grades were, and weren't we both interested in internships? Max's grades are great, but of course mine are just shy of failing most of the time. Currently my GPA is a 2.41, stellar. I figured out a long time ago there was no possible way for me to get an internship after I graduate. People want 3.0-4.0, not below that, so basically, unless I get a job through my physiology teacher, I will probably be struggling to find work. As usual I feel like I have chosen the wrong profession. Everyone is always so excited about classes and mentorships and school, when I am absolutely terrified. I fail in the system, and from what I can tell, people aren't very forgiving of that.

I really wish I had made more mistakes in college. If I had, I think I would have realized that vet med wasn't for me. I would have figured out something else. But I was so desperate to achieve something worthwhile I ignored the truth. I was so busy thinking vet med was not a science, that it was about medicine and care that I was totally blind to the fact that I hate science and would have never pursued any of the classes if I hadn't been required to take them. SO once again I am left with the same old thought. I should quit vet med, but I can't, because I have already wasted $150,000.00 on it, and there is nothing else that is plausible.

Oh, and my weight/healthy living is not helping anything either!!!

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