Sunday, October 3, 2010
Desperate Holding Pattern
I'm in a very frustrating holding pattern. School is terrifying. Every week there is another test, a new surgery lab to try and get through, another unknown chore to take on. I am absolutely terrified of messing up during surgery, simply because I've never done it before! Many of the people in my class have done spays or neuters, even enucleations before! I can hardly suture. Plus I have no idea the order or things, the chores we are all responsible for, etc. Sure I've read the lab manual, but what good will it do me in the middle of lab, when theirs no chance to read. Ugghh.
Diet and Exercise is another issue. Epic fail on my part, and not looking good for improvement. Then there is the job I'm supposed to be applying, the studying I should be doing, the activities, the relationship issues, the insecurity issues. It just keeps piling up and getting worse. I feel very much alone, because even though there are 114 odd people in the same situation as I, they all seem to be intelligent enough to handle it with grace and ease. I just flounder around trying to stay positive and thinking about how hopeless everything is on the inside.