Most people who have heard of the internet have heard of this man by now:
Yes, he married a pillow. Granted he was probably a major otaku (Crazy,anime loving, person, for the normal people reading the blog), with more than a little bit of a shy side and a fan based obsession that slowly turned into a strange fetish, but hey, who hasn't been there? *Crickets* Right, anyways, this got me thinking about all the times my pillow has been there to comfort me. In this fast paced day and age where dating horrors abound, do I really want to risk going out there and attempting to find a boy who isn't going to kill me and steal my skin? Do you?!?! Once you think about it, there may really be no other option for any of us. So here are the five reasons why maybe, just maybe, you would consider marrying your pillow too.
Your Pillow Will Comfort You When You Are Sick
Have you ever gotten really sick before? I mean so sick that it feels like your organs are being forcibly expulsed from your body, and your blind from a migraine, and you have a raging fever that makes you feel like your head is cooking, while your body convulses clumsily with chills? A sickness so bad that all your friends and family forsake you and flee in an attempt to salvage their own miserable existence? Even when everyone else has left you, your pillow will still be there! Your pillow will not care that you are infectious, because pillows do not get sick! Your pillow couldn't even try to leave you if it wanted because it has no legs! Your pillow would never try to leave you though, because it just wants to make you feel better. It's soft and fluffy so you can rest your flaming head on it. It even keeps one side of itself cool for you so that you can have constant comfort! How thoughtful!
Your Pillow Doesn't Care What You Look Like
This is me every morning. Odds are you are far superior and attractive in all ways. However, even if you looked like this, your pillow would still be there.
Your Pillow Is Always A Shoulder To Cry On
Had one of those days where you just want to die? Guess who will be there whenever you need comfort....your pillow!!! You don't have to feel bad about crying, drooling, or wiping your nose on it. Your pillow will absorb all of your tears, and will stay with you for however long you want. Your pillow will not attempt to make you feel better with reassuring platitudes, or gaze at you judgmentally as you down your third bottle of wine. No. Your pillow will simply offer its quiet comfort.
Your Pillow Is A Great Cuddler
Imagine waking up on Saturday morning, the gentle sun muted by your window shade, birds chirping softly outside, and your faithful pillow, soft and warm beside you. All you have to do to fall back asleep is pull it a little closer and nestle into it's downy softness. You have no worries or cares. Your pillow will gladly contort itself into the most absurd and painful positions, just to aid in your comfort! It will gladly elevate your smelly feet, support your aching back, or sustain your drooling face. The best part of all, you don't have to worry about bones sticking into your shoulder, or awkward moments of shifting when your pelvis falls asleep from sleeping sideways. Your faithful pillow will cuddle however you please.
Your Pillow Encourages You To Rest
After a hard day of school or work does your pillow ask you to do the dishes? No. Does it ask you to cook dinner? No! Does it ask you to regurgitate all 25,000 toxins and how each of them causes a slightly different form of anemia? Nooo!!!! That's right! All your pillow requires you to do is sleep and rest!!! To read a book while leaning against it! To nap when you are tired!!! To watch movies while basking in its glory!!! Yes, when you are so weary your head is about to fall off! Wnen you are so depressed all you want to do is eat a tub of ice cream AND a tub of cookie dough, your pillow is there!!! No judgment! No energy sapping tricks!!! Only love and acceptance!!! People of the world!!! I beg you! Take your pillow in hand, and embrace it's fluffy love!!! For your sake! For all of our sakes!!!