A Mixed Day

Well the day has turned out alright. It was helped tremendously by the fact that I got many positive complements about my new haircut, which is super short for me! My hair is thick, curly, red/brown with blonde highlights....naturally! That and my long eyelashes are my two redeeming qualities when it comes to beauty. Otherwise I look a bit like Gimli from Lord of the Rings. So it was really wonderful to hear those nice comments, and feel like I belonged amongst all the other girls for once. :)

My workout went well. I worked really hard, and as usual sweated like crazy. I love showering after a hard work out. It's so rejuvenating to feel all the salty sweat being washed away! I'm still feeling down physically about the entire weight loss thing though. I am great at exercising every day, but unless I make myself a hermit, like I was in undergrad, I have a hard time controlling what I eat. There is always someone baking or having a party or celebrating with wine, and then all self control is lost. For a long time I didn't drink because I was afraid my parents would assume I was becoming an alcoholic and worry about me. However, not drinking made me feel really left out at social events, so much so that I would either not go at all or would end up crying in the bathroom. Considering that, I probably have some sort of social anxiety thing going on....but I think I'll just try and work through it myself.

I've also been feeling down about me and my boyfriend lately. He really is the bets man in the world, but I feel like we deal with life very differently. Truthfully he does things better than I do. He thinks about things but then focuses on the here and now, what is most important. I however, focus on the future and what things could possibly go wrong with my life. I worry about fitting in to my wedding dress...and I am not even engaged! I worry about going into renal failure form my Diabetes, not getting a job, or ending up alone, but most of all I worry that everything I want is impossible.

So that is what has happened today. Now it is on to studying for my Medicine exam tomorrow. Hopefully I can buckle down and do well!

Is Failure an Option?

Last night was not good, and the day started out really well too! I studied, exercised, and did my laundry, then things went down hill. I hate studying and feeling like I am not absorbing anything! Yet all night I kept going through notes and feeling like I was trying to write on a craggy rock wall with a ball point pen. Then I got tired and went to bed, but I kept hearing strange noises and when I did finally get to sleep I woke up to a low blood sugar at 1:30. After that I woke again at 3:00 and prayed that it was 5:00 and time to get up, but no such luck. I ended up tossing and turning until the alarm went off.

Of course now my blood sugar is high! I was really hoping I ate the right amount last night, apparently not. I am also out of insulin after that high which means I will probably be freaking out about my blood sugar during class until I can go get insulin at the pharmacy, which doesn't open until 10:00 am!!! Raawwrrr!

So right now my day seems doomed. Sadly I am a very all or nothing person. It's hard for me to start out on the wrong foot and get back to the right one. However, I really do need to learn to adjust and plan. I can be flexible with other people, so why not with myself? Really most of the stress in my life comes from my own expectations, what I think I should be doing so that I am on equal ground with other people that I admire. I feel like I spend so much time trying to be someone else I lose sight of who I am, and what's important to me. I'll never be as smart, pretty, or cool as my friends so I need to stop trying and just try to figure out who I am, and why. Maybe if I concentrate on me, and not everyone else I will be less stressed with life in general, then I will be happier and healthier.

So my goal for today is to turn things around. Study well, Exercise hard and keep my cool!

Uncurl and go for it!

Have you ever seen a hedgehog uncurl? At first all you see is a tiny ball of quivering spikes huffing and puffing on the ground. Then slowly, very slowly, a little nose appears twitching and sniffing, tentatively investigating what is just outside that protective barrier of spines. Pop! There goes one foot! Pop, pop! There go the rest! Then the cutest face you've ever seen appears, as if to say, "Well this isn't so bad after all!" Then off it goes running, climbing, sniffing, eating, living an enjoyable life!

Sometimes I feel like a hedgehog. I have dreams and goals, things I want to do and accomplish...but the world seems so intimidating. What if I go out there and find out I'm too slow, weak or dumb to do the things I want? What if unforeseen circumstances pop up and knock me down? This blog will hopefully help me be brave, keep me on track, and help me accomplish the things that I want to with my life. Hopefully I can also impart some wisdom and ideas about life in general to those who need it!

Since I will go on forever about myself if given the opportunity (a bad habit I know), here are a few descriptors for me: Red head, Vet Student, Type 1 Diabetic (24years and counting), Animal Lover, Avid reader, "Writer", Singer, Baker, Cook, Geek, Nerd, Romantic, History Hobbyist, Facebook Addict, Average student, Asian Wannabe, and Proud Hedgehog Owner!!!

To give you an idea of what this blog will be about here are some of my goals I am trying to accomplish:

1. Prepare for Warrior Dash in Colorado August 2010

2. Lose 53 lbs, by the end of December 2010

3. Graduate from vet school successfully

4. Pass Boards Successfully

5. Become a IHA Registered Hedgehog Rescue by the time I am 30 years old


There are short and long term goals there, but there are many other small ones that I will be writing about in between. Also, I will be going to Africa this summer for 3 weeks and doing veterinary learning there about conservation medicine, so hopefully I will post journals and pictures after the trip. First I have to get through the last 4 weeks of classes for my sophomore year of vet school, no easy task. We have a Small Animal Medicine exam on Tuesday, hurdle number 1. I am also currently going to a personal trainer, so I have to finish up all of the sessions with her before finals week, plus I have to get my apartment ready for sublease! Lots of things to do, and very little time, but part of life is mixing work and fun, so hopefully the blog will flourish!