One Down, Four To Go!

One final is done! Goodbye Toxicology!!! Yay!!! Don't get me wrong, Toxicology is a very important class, and I did enjoy learning about it, but grades really put a wrench in things. The more I worry about grades the less I learn, and I have to worry about grades because in vet school a D means you fail out entirely, so of course my grades are terrible (C's and B's) and I am constantly panicking. It's only after the dust settles from the tests that I actually feel like I can learn something.
So yeah, I feel like school is not a learning experience, just a hoop I have to jump through to start learning. I am pretty sure that the only reason I feel this way is because I get poor grades. I bet if I was getting A's and B's I would be perfectly happy with school. Instead I just look at school as something terrible and impossible, and wish that I could have worked harder or gotten rid of all these emotional issues before getting here. I'm sure in another dimension I am getting all A's. I probably have a job in the vet school, am the president of 3 clubs, and am super hot. People ask me questions that I know the answers to and all the teachers love me. People can tell I am capable of making my own decisions and I feel capable and mature. Sadly that is not how it is in this dimension, and this is the only one I know. I guess I'll just have to make the best of it.
The next Final is Zoo med on Monday (Yay!!!), then surgery (*death*), then Food Animal (*flinch*) lets hope I can make it through all right and not fail out! Anyone who is of the prayerful persuasion please say a prayer for me as I struggle through this last week of the semester. Oh! Also, please keep my good friend Danger in your prayers too! Danger has some Mast Cell Tumors on his ear and is getting surgery this week, so please send good things his way!!!

Finals Week

Tomorrow is our first real final. In honor of this here is a summary of what we will experience during Finals week! Enjoy!!!

Yes that ferret in the first panel is holding a gun, and yes that is me on the rack in the last picture. As you can see all my hair has been shaved by the evil authoritarian education system.

Class Time

Yep, this is what I think about when I'm not paying attention in class.

5 Reasons Why You Should Marry Your Pillow

Most people who have heard of the internet have heard of this man by now:

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/816601-man-marries-pillow

Yes, he married a pillow. Granted he was probably a major otaku (Crazy,anime loving, person, for the normal people reading the blog), with more than a little bit of a shy side and a fan based obsession that slowly turned into a strange fetish, but hey, who hasn't been there? *Crickets* Right, anyways, this got me thinking about all the times my pillow has been there to comfort me. In this fast paced day and age where dating horrors abound, do I really want to risk going out there and attempting to find a boy who isn't going to kill me and steal my skin? Do you?!?! Once you think about it, there may really be no other option for any of us. So here are the five reasons why maybe, just maybe, you would consider marrying your pillow too.

Your Pillow Will Comfort You When You Are Sick

Have you ever gotten really sick before? I mean so sick that it feels like your organs are being forcibly expulsed from your body, and your blind from a migraine, and you have a raging fever that makes you feel like your head is cooking, while your body convulses clumsily with chills? A sickness so bad that all your friends and family forsake you and flee in an attempt to salvage their own miserable existence? Even when everyone else has left you, your pillow will still be there! Your pillow will not care that you are infectious, because pillows do not get sick! Your pillow couldn't even try to leave you if it wanted because it has no legs! Your pillow would never try to leave you though, because it just wants to make you feel better. It's soft and fluffy so you can rest your flaming head on it. It even keeps one side of itself cool for you so that you can have constant comfort! How thoughtful!

Your Pillow Doesn't Care What You Look Like
This is me every morning. Odds are you are far superior and attractive in all ways. However, even if you looked like this, your pillow would still be there.

Your Pillow Is Always A Shoulder To Cry On
Had one of those days where you just want to die? Guess who will be there whenever you need comfort....your pillow!!! You don't have to feel bad about crying, drooling, or wiping your nose on it. Your pillow will absorb all of your tears, and will stay with you for however long you want. Your pillow will not attempt to make you feel better with reassuring platitudes, or gaze at you judgmentally as you down your third bottle of wine. No. Your pillow will simply offer its quiet comfort.

Your Pillow Is A Great Cuddler
Imagine waking up on Saturday morning, the gentle sun muted by your window shade, birds chirping softly outside, and your faithful pillow, soft and warm beside you. All you have to do to fall back asleep is pull it a little closer and nestle into it's downy softness. You have no worries or cares. Your pillow will gladly contort itself into the most absurd and painful positions, just to aid in your comfort! It will gladly elevate your smelly feet, support your aching back, or sustain your drooling face. The best part of all, you don't have to worry about bones sticking into your shoulder, or awkward moments of shifting when your pelvis falls asleep from sleeping sideways. Your faithful pillow will cuddle however you please.

Your Pillow Encourages You To Rest

After a hard day of school or work does your pillow ask you to do the dishes? No. Does it ask you to cook dinner? No! Does it ask you to regurgitate all 25,000 toxins and how each of them causes a slightly different form of anemia? Nooo!!!! That's right! All your pillow requires you to do is sleep and rest!!! To read a book while leaning against it! To nap when you are tired!!! To watch movies while basking in its glory!!! Yes, when you are so weary your head is about to fall off! Wnen you are so depressed all you want to do is eat a tub of ice cream AND a tub of cookie dough, your pillow is there!!! No judgment! No energy sapping tricks!!! Only love and acceptance!!! People of the world!!! I beg you! Take your pillow in hand, and embrace it's fluffy love!!! For your sake! For all of our sakes!!!

Blahhh

So lately I have been feeling very lonely. It's not that I really am alone. I have loads of wonderful friends around me, I'm just blahhh. School is depressing, I feel like my life is going nowhere, I want to go home, etc, etc. Mostly I just feel like I am becoming a giant puddle of gummy, gooey, brown apathy and shame.


Every time I see a professor I think about how next year they will be disappointed when I don't remember anything they taught me this year. Stupid vet school! Why didn't I become a baker?

Srress = Stomach Distraction

I officially am doing poorly in surgery. I was anesthetist first last week, and although my anesthesia overall was successful, I managed to get a 5/10 points due to a lack of knowing how to answer the questions asked me by the teachers/panic attack at the thought of not knowing the answers. You can get one five and then if you get another you get kicked out of the program. I spent 2 days crying about it, I went and talked to the teachers, and now I am working hard to make sure I don't fail. Great. I'm not working hard to learn, I'm working hard not to fail. They might seem the same, but they aren't. If I knew I couldn't fail I would learn loads more than what I do. The thought of the humiliation, going before the board, and being left behind by my classmates is terrifying. I'm also beginning to think vet school isn't worth it anymore. I never feel like I am learning anything, I never feel like I am succeeding, and I am always behind. I have no self confidence, I am mentally unbalanced, and my body is responding to the stress by making my stomach roil, my hands shake and my head spin. I try to study and get distracted by the thoughts of what I will do if I get kicked out, what I could have done to better prepare, and what exactly I said and did that was wrong. All in all, I am miserable, terrified, and don't know what to do. I just wish so much that i could change the past, I know I can't, I just wish I had a second chance to make things better. I don't though, so I am studying as hard as I can. Hopefully I will be heading to the library soon to study. Hopefully that will help. :( If not...maybe some wine. :(

Desperate Holding Pattern

I'm in a very frustrating holding pattern. School is terrifying. Every week there is another test, a new surgery lab to try and get through, another unknown chore to take on. I am absolutely terrified of messing up during surgery, simply because I've never done it before! Many of the people in my class have done spays or neuters, even enucleations before! I can hardly suture. Plus I have no idea the order or things, the chores we are all responsible for, etc. Sure I've read the lab manual, but what good will it do me in the middle of lab, when theirs no chance to read. Ugghh.

Diet and Exercise is another issue. Epic fail on my part, and not looking good for improvement. Then there is the job I'm supposed to be applying, the studying I should be doing, the activities, the relationship issues, the insecurity issues. It just keeps piling up and getting worse. I feel very much alone, because even though there are 114 odd people in the same situation as I, they all seem to be intelligent enough to handle it with grace and ease. I just flounder around trying to stay positive and thinking about how hopeless everything is on the inside.